Don't Leave Me Behind
by House of Eros
Summary: In the final moments of blowing the Reapers back to hell, Commander Shepard and Major Alenko share one last goodbye. They say your life flashes in front of your eyes right before you die... Well for them? It was every single moment the two shared from Ilos to this exact moment... All Kaidan could say was: "Don't leave me behind."


Explosions.

Gun fire.

Death.

Everything Kaidan expected, but even still, the fear that set in was something he couldn't prepare for. No goodbyes, no 'I love you's could prepare him for anything like the Reaper invasion on Earth.

There he was!

"Shepard!"

The black haired man would turn his head, the Conduit gleamed brightly in front of the entire fleet. It pulsated and both Geth and Collector swarms radiated from it. The two gazes met... Kaidan would sprint after Shepard as the other man nodded and advanced towards the portal. Explosions sent shuttles and Makos flying, Shepard barely escaping without a scratch, but Kaidan wasn't as lucky.

The Major gasped and threw himself to the side, he received multiple injuries and could barely stand, trying to drag himself towards cover, but thankfully, there Shepard was as always... To save the day.

Shepard looked to his lover, panic overwhelming him, Kaidan was losing blood and quickly. He took quick and shallow breath but Kaidan smiled, only Shepard could make panic look good.

"Joker! Get an evac out here! Now!" He snapped into his mic.

"We're taking heavy losses Commander-" Static overwhelmed the signal and Shepard huffed, looking to the conduit and back to Kaidan, he felt a bit of shame.

He couldn't leave Kaidan without knowing he was safe, even if it meant the end of the world.

"We're here Commander!" Joker stated into the mic, and Shepard felt relief as he saw the Normandy beginning to pull up to evacuate Shepard's only reason for living.

He was quick to half carry Kaidan to the Normandy, he was exhausted but knowing Kaidan needed him, he felt adrenaline like never before. Vega glanced back as the conduit pulsed again, Shepard shifted his gaze and swiftly handed Kaidan off to Vega.

"Get him out of here!" Shepard ordered.

"Shepard!" Kaidan suddenly cried.

The two locked eyes again... And everything flooded back in that split second they both knew would be their last moment they knew together. The memories... The regrets... The happiness... All in that one moment.

* * *

Kaidan Alenko was never one for romance... Especially not one for fraternization, but if there was one person he would ever consider sleeping with, it was Commander Shepard, however he wasn't surprised. He knew almost anyone would consider sleeping with Commander Shepard, but he never did see the Commander with anyone. Was this by choice?

They had shared a lot of missions together, but Kaidan often felt mislead by the Commander, he knew he was bad at flirting but Shepard was so subtle that... He wondered if Shepard meant anything or if he was even flirting at all. Did the Commander even swing that way..?

They were grounded from exposing Saren when the two had their first time... He remembered it clearly.

He knew the Commander was so frustrated from the Councils ignorance and he hadn't taken any personal days or rested at all in the past weeks, he caught the Commander as he near collapsed by the lockers. Kaidan frowned and approached the Commander who raised his brows, Shepard hated looking vulnerable... And he was considered to be an asshole.

"Kaidan." He said softly in some surprise.

"Hey there, Commander... How're you holding up?" Kaidan asked, resting his hands upon his hips, looking in a slight amused fashion as he watched the Commander try and play off that he didn't need help.

"I'm alright... I'm just... Pissed off." The Commander replied, leaning his back against the lockers.

"Come on Shepard, you're not fooling anyone." Kaidan finally snorted and extended a hand to the scarred man on the floor.

Sometimes it was easy to forget that Shepard was a ruthless earth dweller that was a piece of shit before coming to the alliance. He got the job done no matter the cost and he didn't mind using intimidation to get the information he needed. It was one of the reasons he and the Council didn't get along, they didn't always see eye to eye with his... Methods. However, Kaidan saw the soft side of Shepard, he was the only one that the Commander willingly spoke to on a regular basis. He got along with Garrus well but Shepard never minded approaching Kaidan for a conversation when he was generally an antisocial creature.

"Damn." Shepard sighed and reached up, allowing Kaidan to pull him up.

Unaware to Shepard, his legs almost gave out and Kaidan managed to catch him before he fell, the two shared a gaze and they both knew what the other was thinking, but Kaidan was way more reserved.

"Shepard..." He said and glanced away, watching Shepard's visage shift in confusion. "You've... I may just be stupid but... The past few weeks... It feels like you've been-"

"Flirting with you?" Shepard asked with a small smirk, a rare sight to see indeed, Kaidan's jaw hung open in shock.

"... Yeah." He replied and nodded. "I just... Don't want to be toyed with... If you only want a physical relationship or nothing at all or... I just want to know." Kaidan sighed, but before he could say more he studied Shepard's now stoic expression.

"Kaidan... Have you ever known me to beat around the bush?" He asked.

"This is different." Kaidan replied seriously and Shepard shrugged lightly.

"Maybe... Look Kaidan... If you're not interested you just have to say so... I'm not going to ask you to do something you're not comfortable with, I wouldn't abuse my power like that... Or you." Shepard stated and nodded.

"I-It's not that Commander... It's just been a while..."

"It's been a while for me too Kaidan." Shepard chortled softly.

The two glimpsed at each other, but as they began leaning in, Joker of all people had to butt in.

"Sorry to interrupt Commander, got a message from Captain Anderson."

That was the closest time that Kaidan had ever come to see the Commander blush, however despite seeing Shepard obviously frustrated he sighed.

"What did he want?" He asked.

"Just said to meet him in that club in the wards, Flux." Joker replied.

The two shared a glance before Shepard shrugged and Kaidan nodded in understanding.

"Well I guess you better go."

* * *

Kaidan felt a rush of emotions as their ascension towards Ilos began, knowing that this could be the last chance he had to fully express himself to Shepard... And thankfully he found the Commander alone in one of the conference rooms looking at screens, but hearing the door open, the ivory skinned man looked over. Kaidan always admired Shepard's appearance from afar, he had a large yet suiting scar that ranged from his mid cheek down past his closed lips, his hair was a tad longer then the biotic's own and the sheer blackness made Shepard appear to be paler then he actually was... But the thing that really stood out about the Commander was his eyes... They were bright blue almost purple and they could see through any bullshit.

"Kaidan." The Commander said with some relief.

"Commander, I..." Kaidan muttered and rubbed the back of his neck, watching as Shepard stood up and approached him.

"Kaidan... When it's just you and me you don't have to be all formal." Shepard replied and smiled lightly to the biotic, another rare sight to see.

If Kaidan told anyone that he actually saw Shepard smile they would have called bullshit but Kaidan was just blessed to see this side of Shepard.

"I remember you telling me something like that... I just... I'm realizing that we'll be walking into a mess... Gave me a reason to want to come see you..." Kaidan said struggling to speak, he hated Shepard for being so confident and right then he realized that he didn't even know Shepard's first name... He didn't think anyone did.

"What are you thinking about?" Shepard asked, reaching up and gently caressing Kaidan's cheek, raising an amused brow.

"Just realized that no one actually knows your name Commander." He snorted lightly slapping Shepard's hand away and he saw the Commander's demeanor slightly shift.

"I do that on purpose... That way someone doesn't get too attached, I did that a lot with the women on earth when I was a horny teen... Didn't want any fucking strings." Shepard explained as he walked away from Kaidan, he wasn't cursing at Kaidan, that was just a majority of his vocabulary.

"... Is that what you want?" Kaidan asked.

"... I'd be lying if I said yes." Shepard replied before turning back to Kaidan and watching the biotic walk towards him, stopping just about a foot away from the Commander.

"... We're both... New to this." Kaidan said and reached forward, hesitantly taking Shepards hand. "But I'm willing if you are..." He said, Shepard took a long pause, obviously thinking about his response.

Kaidan watched Shepard close his eyes, something he did often when making a serious decision, however once Shepard opened his eyes Kaidan knew what he was in for. Shepard shoved Kaidan atop the conference table almost aggressively as he pinned Kaidan down and smirked. Shepard wasn't one to bottom and he made sure Kaidan realized that as he two stripped with quick precision.

Breathless moans escaped the lips of the two men as Shepard plowed Kaidan against the table, it had been a long time since Shepard had a good lay, and what pissed Shepard off was that he didn't think of this as a lay... He felt more and he wasn't _supposed_ to feel more. They could die at any time and he refused to feel that kind of mourning a second time.

"Fuck." Shepard snarled and leaned down, thrusting quickly and pressed his lips eagerly against Kaidan's neck.

Shepard shuddered as he heard Kaidan release a sigh and a moan of pleasure, and a sudden devious smirk rolled onto Shepards face as he leaned up to Kaidan's ear.

"Commander." He whispered and watched Kaidan's features contort in disapproval and watching the man beneath him blush and squirm as Shepard stopped. "Come on..." He coaxed as Kaidan caught his breath. "... Tell the Commander that you want more." He snorted.

"Shepard-" Shepard wagged his hand back and forth lightly.

"Commander." He repeated and watched Kaidan huff.

"... Commander." Kaidan breathed, gasping softly as Shepard thrust again, and resumed his pause.

"You're on the right track."

"... I want more... Commander." Kaidan murmured and released a groan as Shepard thrust further.

"Good, Lieutenant." Shepard praised and Kaidan frowned before smashing his lips into Shepard's, enticing a sloppy yet meaningful kiss between the two as Shepard continued his rough pace.

Kaidan was glad that these rooms had noise cancelling properties or everyone would be hearing this fuck session, yet Joker probably could. That almost turned Kaidan on further, the Lieutenant groaned and leaned his head back, letting his eyes roll back, his body lighting up with the familiar blue light of his biotic power. Shepard hesitated, as a soldier, he wasn't attuned to this and he wasn't sure if he needed to stop or keeping going as he was. He didn't want to be fried and he didn't want Kaidan to get hurt either.

"I-It's alright... It just happens when... When I'm close." Kaidan explained and Shepard felt both relief and satisfaction before pounding once again.

"Fuck... Shit..!" Shepard gasped as he felt the familiar sensation of upcoming orgasm.

While Shepards favorite species to fuck were Asari for obvious reason... Kaidan was in his top five. The tightness and the easy glide, the view wasn't half bad either... He leaned down and chomped down on Kaidan's neck once more, making sure to bruise Kaidan, wanting to see blood pour... However something in him compelled him to be _nice_ and he only looked down with a sadistic sense of longing to abuse Kaidan's body further, but he managed to hold himself back before Kaidan arched his back, both in pleasure and in pain.

"Shepard I-I'm cumming!" Kaidan gasped.

Though Shepard was a professional in this field, the sudden clamp on his throbbing member forced him into orgasm. He stilled his movements, feeling the familiar sensation of almost crippling pleasure, filling Kaidan without a second thought while the other's member erupted with the white fluids that held an almost neon property. Kaidan had an implant after all, however this didn't scare or intimidate Shepard. He just panted heavily and eventually opened his eyes, releasing a sigh of relief before Shepard opened his eyes.

It was then that the two leaned in and the Commander pressed his forehead firmly against the Lieutenant's, and even though hesitating, he pressed his lips firmly against Kaidan's. He felt a bolt of electricity rush through him and while he didn't know if it was due to Kaidan's biotic power or some cosmic out cry, he wanted more...

But duty called.

"Commander? Sorry to interrupt but we're about five minutes out from the Relay." Joker informed.

The first thought that went through Shepard's mind was the kind of embarrassment one felt when they were caught doing something undesirable, but the remembrance that Joker couldn't see what was currently taking place, Shepard was quick to calm himself.

"Good. No delays, understood?" Shepard asked seriously.

"Crystal." Joker replied before the com shut itself off.

Shepard sighed and pulled himself out of Kaidan and finally _saw_ the damage he inflicted on Kaidan... The bloodied bite mark that was still collecting blood at the surface of Kaidan's tanned skin. He ran a gentle thumb over the mark and he felt guilt... It hit even harder when Kaidan flinched from the apparent tenderness of the bite.

"Sorry... I... Tend to forget whose beneath me sometimes... You could have said something." Shepard said rather sheepishly, but he was greeted with a smile as Kaidan sat up.

"... I didn't want to say anything, Shepard."

Shepard couldn't understand why Kaidan would still want to stay... Most people had less then nice things to say about Shepard due to his logic and priority of the mission always coming first regardless of the danger or casualty rate...He would never truly comprehend Kaidan's reasons, and it only gave him a headache as the two got dressed, but what came next changed their relationship entirely.

"I... Guess I should go make sure everyone's ready." Kaidan said and Shepard would nod.

"Right... Also, Kaidan, if I don't-"

"Don't finish that." Kaidan said seriously, the intensity of the look in the Leiutenant's eyes enough to stop the Commander of the SSV Normandy in his tracks. "... You'll come back." He then said almost as if just the thought of Shepard's death exhausted him.

Shepard wasn't sure what came over him, but as Kaidan turned away to walk out of the room, he lurched forward and suddenly dragged Kaidan back roughly. The other was surprised, but even more so at the Commander's hesitance.

"... Jericho." Shepard said after a short moment of silence. "... Now someone knows... Don't go spreading it around, Alenko." Shepard said, narrowing his eye, obviously trusting Kaidan with something extremely serious.

Kaidan's eyes widened at the realization of the gift he had just been given and he nodded.

* * *

While the Commander survived the impossible the first time... Just like that... He was wiped out by a sudden unexpected attack by an unknown alien aircraft in blank space. Things had been relatively quiet after stopping Saren... And the realization that someone as ruthless and as powerful as Commander Shepard could be taken out like anyone else, scared people... And left others in grief.

He remembered the last thoughts that ran through his mind... The deafening explosions and the force of the lazers throwing them around like rag dolls... Kaidan hated himself for the longest time after Shepard died, if he hadn't left... He if would have stayed with Shepard... Well, he probably would have ended up dead as well... But the 'what if' scenario kept him up at night for months after the Normandy crashed, but with counselling and a new job, Kaidan pulled through. Like always.

Two years...

It was hard to believe he had been gone two years... While he no longer dwelled or thought about Shepard much, it was still a hard subject to breach, one that he was often spared thank goodness.

Horizon.

Not the richest of colonies but not too shabby either, if only the people there respected anything he represented... It was times like these he thought about Shepard, in a good way though. He was out of mourning... He only envisioned how Shepard would handle this situation... Probably something along the lines of: 'You don't like me? Good. It'll make beating you to death easier.'

Kaidan snorted and rolled his eyes... But his reminiscing was cut short when an unknown alien warship showing it's ugly face and unleashing hell on the human settlement, and while his opinion of these people made him want them to fix this for themselves, his duties to the military made him draw his gun to the swarms of inhuman insects that began swarming the compound.

"Go! Get to safety!" He yelled out to the running colonists as he shot his gun towards the aggressive swarms.

Kaidan suddenly felt a stabbing sensation at his neck, he cried out and ripped the insect from his neck, feeling his body already beginning to lock up, he stumbled away but soon his body was frozen in it's place. Was this it for him..? Not nearly the glorious death he was hoping for but he still felt healthy, he was only paralyzed. He had a feeling in his gut that something was coming once the com tower went out of service.

* * *

Two years went by the dead Commander as well, he woke up from the dead and within seconds he had a gun in his hands again and was fighting for his survival despite the killer migraine and the slight muscle resistance, he lived to tell the tale. He wanted answers and he wanted them _now_ and just like that he figured out he was rebuilt for Cerberus' use to defeat the Reapers... Part of Shepard wanted to stay dead...

That was quickly replaced with urgency to get to Horizon before the Collectors disappeared again... The only incentive he had was knowing Kaidan was there, and that sense of urgency was replaced with a sense of panic, knowing everyone disappeared when the Collectors struck he _had_ to get there on time... Hearing Kaidan's name again gave Shepard anther sense of purpose instead of being just a weapon against the threat to the entire galaxy. After shooting what seemed like hundreds of foreign aliens, the Collector ship was forced to make a hasty depart.

The Commander however... Didn't feel the sense of relief his teammates did. While it was nice to meet up with Garrus again and Jack reminded him of... Well himself, not to mention she was a very powerful biotic, the most powerful he had ever seen. Shepard felt a sense of shame... Of anger... Everyone was gone except that engineer who talked to much it seems... He didn't even see Kaidan.

"Where is everyone?" The engineer asked, approaching the small group.

"Gone." Shepard snapped flinching slightly as Garrus gently patted his back.

"You did everything you could, Shepard." The turian said but Shepard scoffed and shook his head.

"Everyone's gone... Should have known, you alliance types should have just minded your own damn business." The engineer said.

"Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre... Savior of the Citadel... You're in the presence of a legend... And a ghost." The voice of none other then Kaidan Alenko, and the feeling of relief finally overcame him.

"Of all the good people we lost, you get left behind, figures... Screw this I'm done with you Alliance types." the Engineer scoffed.

"Kaidan..." Shepard murmured and damn near dropped his gun as he went to approach the other.

Kaidan was in awe... He was in shock but most of all he felt betrayed, Cerberus? Seriously? Shepard of all people!? However he was so happy to see Shepard that he didn't even attempt at pulling his gun out... In fact... All he could do was embrace the other.

"... I thought you were dead Shepard." Kaidan said as he felt Shepard's arms reach around him. "We all did..."

"It's been too long Kaidan." Shepard managed to say through the relief he felt.

"That's it? You disappear for two years and just act like nothing happened? I would have followed you anywhere Commander!" Kaidan snarled. "... Thinking you were gone... It was like losing a limb. Why did you try to contact me? Contact _anyone_?" He asked, obviously still trying to process Shepard in front of him.

Shepard seemed just like he was before, except lacking his scar and having some new ones... But underneath the slightly different appearance, he was still Shepard... He could still see it in his eyes.

"... I wanted to Kaidan but it's not that simple... You moved on, I was dead for two years." Shepard said with a frown.

"I did move on... At least I thought I did... But now we're seeing reports on you and Cerberus... Honestly it would have been better if you really were dead then be alive working for Cerberus."

Ouch.

"Kaidan I'm not working for Cerberus... We're just working towards a common goal it's not fair to demonize me." Shepard said taking a step back in defense.

"... I want to believe you Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be manipulating you, what if they're behind all of it?" Kaidan asked.

"Dammit Kaidan you're to focused on working against Cerberus you're ignoring the real threat." Garrus sighed.

"Are you seriously going to throw everything that we went through away?" Shepard asked, clenching his fists.

"... I wish I didn't have to..." Kaidan replied, turning back.

"Kaidan I'd love to have you with me again... Maybe I can help clear up any doubts you have." Shepard said almost desperately.

"Sorry Commander... I've got my duties... And I will _never_ work for Cerberus... Good luck." Kaidan muttered and began walking away.

The Commander watched, he felt many things that replaced the initial relief... Sorrow, betrayal, anger... Regret.

"... Joker... Bring the Normandy around... I'm fucking done with this place." Shepard spat into the mic and began walking in the opposite direction.

* * *

It took a long time, killing many Collectors for Shepard not to want to shot Kaidan in the back... He was even more angered by the fact that this hit him harder then most things had in a while.

"Shepard..." A voice interrupted his thoughts as he entered his cabin... Kaidan.

"... I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon... I mean I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. Took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving, and to move on... And I finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again you know?" He asked.

"And then... I saw you..." Kaidan sighed, it had been a long time since Shepard had been just fueled with such emotion, he reached up and gently pinched the bridge of his nose. "And... Everything just... Pulled hard to port... I mean you were standing in front of me, but... You were with Cerberus..." Kaidan scoffed softly. "I mean I-I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore, I mean d-do you even _remember_ that night before Ilos?" He questioned and Shepard felt a pang hit his heart.

"That night... Meant... Everything to me... I mean maybe meant as much to you but... A lot has changed in the last two years... And I can't just put that aside... But... Please be careful... I mean I've watched to many people close to me die... On Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy... And I just couldn't bare it if I had to lose you again... I know you're gonna find a way to stop these Collector attacks but Cerberus is... Cerberus is _too_ dangerous to be trusted... Watch yourself... Look... When things settle down a little... Maybe... I dunno." Kaidan said, voice wavering.

"... Just take care."

Like that the message ended.

Shepard stood there for a moment before looking to what he had been reading... He didn't even care anymore, he just threw it at the wall, watching it explode; sighing and running a hand over his eyes... He was exhausted and heading towards a suicide mission... He couldn't say goodbye... Again! He suddenly hummed, that just meant he _had_ to come back... He had to see Kaidan again, even if it was to just punch him in the fucking face for doubting him... He snickered softly to himself and rolled his eyes... At least he knew Kaidan indeed still cared and possibly even wanted to be with him again..? He'd just have to find out and the only way he could find out was if he came back.

... And he made sure he, and everyone on his crew, came back.

* * *

However, nothing could be simple and almost as soon as the Normandy returned, Shepard was forced into retirement, "relieved f duty" they called it. At first he was so angry he wanted to shoot anyone in sight but as a few weeks past, the comfy beds and good food he wasn't complaining much. He just did as he was asked and managed to keep himself from getting into anymore trouble then he was already in... But this was just the calm before the storm.

"Commander?" The bronzed Lieutenant asked as he walked into Shepard's quarters, Shepard had mellowed out considerably over the past weeks spent on earth... This was month number two that he had been off the Normandy.

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James." Shepard chuckled softly as he turned, watching Vega salute him.

"Yeah I'm not supposed to salute you either." The other added, Shepard rolled his eyes and gently patted James' shoulder as he walked out with him. "So what's going on?" He asked.

"Not sure, they didn't say... All I know is that it's important." Vega replied, looking back to the relieved Commander, who frowned as they approached Admiral Anderson.

"Ah, Shepard." His old friend said with a sense of relief.

"Anderson?" Shepard asked with a sense of dread as Anderson walked with a quick pace. "Will you please tell me what the hell is happening?" He asked.

"Every colony in the Terminus system has gone dark, we have no contact with any planets outside the Sol system." He explained and Shepard stopped.

"... The Reapers." He said and Anderson paused, turning to Shepard.

"... We don't know." He sighed as Shepard shook his head and walked forward once again, however the sight that was in front him made him forget the upcoming crisis.

"Major Alenko." Anderson greeted as Kaidan approached them.

"Major?" Shepard asked with a small smile.

"Anderson didn't tell you?" Kaidan asked, stopping in front of Shepard with a rather proud, almost arrogant smile, Shepard couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well I've been locked up for a while you know." He replied and Kaidan nodded.

"How is it in there?" Anderson asked.

"Not good, everyone is in a panic... I did my best to set up for you." Kaidan said and looked back to Shepard, their eyes locking for a few moments, Kaidan forcing himself t tear his gaze away from Shepard.

"Wish us luck then?" Shepard scoffed towards the large chambers they were heading towards and Kaidan couldn't help but shrug.

"I do... It's... Nice to see you alive Shepard." He said.

"... It's nice to see you too Kaidan." Shepard said and sent a small discreet wink in the others direction before he and Anderson walked into the large room where all of the human power for the western portion of earth sat.

"Commander Shepard." A woman said, and Shepard was quick to correct her.

"Not a Commander anymore remember? You ripped that away from me." He said, though calmly, he was obviously still bitter about it.

"Considering the charges you faced, it was a favor, Shepard." A man replied, unamused before Shepard crossed his arms over his chest.

How many more times would they throw that in his fucking face?

"Considering had I not gone through the Omega 4 Relay, none of us would be here? Yeah. Big favor." He sneered.

"We aren't here to discuss Shepard's position." Anderson quickly said to diffuse the tense situation.

"Right... We are here because we have lost contact with everyone and everything outside the Sol System..." Another man sighed.

"... Why am I here? You know what this is... You _knew_ what was coming." Shepard said harshly, narrowing his eyes and resting a hand on his hip.

"Shepard _we_ don't even know what's coming. You and your team are the only people who have ever even _seen_ a live Reaper and we don't even know what you saw." The woman said.

"You know what? I told you what was coming, I told the Council what was coming!" Shepard said as the door opened, revealing someone in Military uniform walked in.

"S-Sorry to interrupt... We just lost contact with the Luna Base."

A sudden panic filled the room.

"H-How? We've prepared as best we could... How could they be here already?" The man asked.

"We've got visual from London." Someone at the monitors stated and began pulling up video surveillance.

Destruction... Screaming... Everything Shepard knew what happened right there staring them in the face, watching as the Reapers descended on Earth... They were too late. There was a long pause in the room.

"... What... What do we do?"

"... This isn't about protecting ourselves anymore... This is about survival... You saw what they can do... I did my best to tell what was coming and we did our best to be ready but this isn't about that any longer..." Shepard said looking to Anderson who nodded.

"That's it? We just try to survive?"

"... Yes." Shepard replied.

The familiar humming began reverberating through the structures and Shepard knew exactly what was coming.

"Oh god..." the woman muttered as a Reaper began falling out of the sky.

"Everyone! Move!" Shepard yelled as the Reaper came in contact with Earth, sending a shockwave so powerful that everything flew, Shepard and Anderson barely escaping certain death as the table flung itself towards the two. Thank God Shepard was in the military.

"Fuck!" Shepard hissed as he managed to sit up, the impact of being tossed around made his head pulsate.

"Shepard!" Anderson yelled as Shepard stood, rubbing his head that had blood slowly flowing from a gash. "Are you-"

"Let's just get the hell out of here." Shepard replied, looking to the blood on his palm and smeared it on his uniform, snatching the gun from Anderson's hand as he held it out to him.

"Come on we have to be quick and call the Normandy, we're dead if we stay here." Anderson said quickly as the two ran out of the building, watching the Reaper just wipe out anything in sight.

This day turned out to be a total shit show... Cannibal fiends fell to Earth with the Reapers, harvesting any humans that weren't able to defend themselves. Thankfully, Shepard and Anderson knew how to bash some brains in.

"This place is a goddamn mess." Anderson spat as he tried to find a way for the army of two to progress.

Shepard was vigilant though and hearing small noise, the first thing he did was point his gun towards the source, but seeing a vent he furrowed his brows, these monsters weren't smart enough to hide in a vent... He glanced to Anderson before tip toeing to the vent and kneeling... A boy. Shepard's eyes widened.

"Kid... What are you doing in there..? Come on, you gotta get out of there." Shepard said as gently as he could, watching the child back up, he frowned and carefully held his hand out. "... I won't hurt you." He said.

"... You can't help me..." The child whimpered.

"Shepard!" Anderson called, forcing Shepard to turn towards him. "Come on!"

Shepard paused before looking back into the vents... Gone... He sighed and stood up quickly before following Anderson. Contacting the Normandy was hell, but knowing Anderson was speaking with Kaidan made Shepard sigh with immense relief... Kaidan was safe for now. He could focus on surviving to see him again. They just had to stay alive until the Normandy came around and seeing that damn beautiful ship made Shepard almost smile.

The two men sprinted to the ship, Shepard was the first to launch himself to Kaidan who caught his hand and was obviously relieved to see Shepard again. Yet as Shepard looked to Anderson he held his hand out to him.

"Come on Anderson!" He called.

"... Someone has to stay here and lead us... You need to go! Go to the Citadel!" Anderson called.

"Are you fucking crazy! You said it yourself we're dead if we stay here!" He snapped. "And I don't take orders from you anymore! Get your ass on the ship!" Shepard said seriously and Anderson shook his head.

You do now!" He said, bringing out Shepard's Dog Tags and tossing them to him. "Go Commander!"

"... Fuck... Be safe Anderson!" Shepard yelled and ran into the cargo hold of the ship, Joker beginning to take off.

Before Shepard fled into the ship he saw evac shuttles picking up people and he was happy to see the child from the vents sprinting to them but seeing the Reaper beginning to strike he took a step forward almost as if he could stop it... The child seemed to gasp and climbed onto the shuttle. They did their best to escape... But just like that... They were shot out of the sky... Shepard could only look away and walk into the cargo hold, anger bubbling up inside him.

Kaidan was quick to approach Shepard and throw his arms around the other, audibly sighing in relief before Shepard exhaled and hugged the Major in response.

"... I'm glad you're so damn hard to kill." Kaidan said and released the Commander, frowning at the visible gash in Shepard's head.

"Where's Anderson? What are we doing?" James asked as Kaidan gently looked at Shepard's wound, who was obviously emotionally distressed.

"... He told me to go... He wanted to stay so that he could help whoever we could... We're the last hope for Earth now." Shepard stated solemnly as he shrugged away from Kaidan.

"What!? He would never say that!-"

"You better listen the fuck up Lieutenant." Shepard suddenly said, watching a stunned expression coming over both James and Kaidan. "... I know you want to stay, _I_ want to fucking stay... But we are _no_ help to Earth dead, understand? You wanna go back? Fine... But on your time not mine, you can take a shuttle from the Citadel if you wanna go back, but until then, you _will_ abide by my orders." Shepard said harshly.

Neither James or Kaidan knew what to say, and it was for the best that they say nothing... Kaidan could only wonder what Shepard had been through to make him so... Aggressively angry. He followed Shepard, who stormed off towards the com room, waiting patiently as he listened to Admiral Hackett and Shepard discuss their next move.

"Joker. Plot a course for Mars." Shepard said.

"Aye, aye Commander."

As Shepard walked out of the com room, he didn't even have the energy to be surprised at Kaidan standing there. He just sighed and leaned against the wall.

"... Sorry." Shepard muttered, looking ahead of himself blankly.

"... For what? Everyone disregarding your warnings?" Kaidan asked, motioning towards the empty conference table, and Shepard would tiredly sit down.

Kaidan sat next to him and gently observed his head quietly. He then hummed and stood up, walking out of Shepard's view for a moment before returning with a first aid kit.

"I'm alright Kaidan..."

"I know..."

"... Of course you do." Shepard chuckled softly and watched Kaidan work on his head, cringing slightly. "Tender, Kaidan." He warned.

"The Infamous Commander Shepard, complaining about a small flesh wound? I'm disappointed." Kaidan snorted, and Shepard would do his best to contain his laughter.

"Touché." He said as Kaidan finished bandaging his gash up. "How's it look doc?" He questioned.

"No stitches I don't think but I'm no professional..." Kaidan responded.

"Well I trust you." Shepard said and smiled.

There was a silence then, almost like they were catching up, it was content not awkward. Shepard leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling, exhausted knowing what was to come, but he suddenly smirked and looked at Kaidan who raised a brow.

"What?" He asked.

"... I plowed you on a table like this." Shepard said with a cheeky grin watching Kaidan's face heat up with what was either anger, embarrassment or bring turned on.

"Shepard." He warned.

"Fine, fine... Just so you know... I... Don't hold anything you said to me on Horizon against you..." He said, Kaidan shifting uncomfortably. "... Had I been in your shoes, I probably would have done the same thing." He explained.

"No you wouldn't have." Kaidan said quickly. "... You would have let me explain myself... And you would have trusted me." He said, looking away.

"Kaidan, you had every reason to be suspicious of me... I might have been bitter about it for a little while but... I got over it." Shepard said, but before they could go into detail on where they were headed they had arrived on Mars. "... Let's finish later, yeah?" Shepard asked and Kaidan nodded, maybe they could finally put Horizon behind them.

* * *

But of course, arriving on Mars was filled with gunfire and it was apparent that Cerberus was there to fuck shit up for them, and knowing it was Cerberus didn't help Kaidan and Shepard's rocky relationship at all.

"Shepard, be straight with me." Kaidan said as they entered the air lock, Shepard sighed knowing exactly what the question would be. "Do you have any idea why Cerberus would be here?"

"How in the hell would I know Kaidan?" Shepard asked. "I want to know just as much as you do."

"You worked for them for god's sake how am I _not_ supposed to think you'd might know?"

"Let me be very fucking clear Kaidan." Shepard began, he was not in the mood for this bullshit. "I didn't _work_ for them, we worked together towards a common goal since no one would fucking help me, and I've had no contact with Cerberus since I destroyed the Collector base." He said narrowing his eyes as he took his helmet off.

"... Commander Shepard has been on constant surveillance since coming back to Earth, no way they've contacted each other since." James said.

"Alright I believe you... It's just..." Kaidan sighed.

"You of all people should know what I'm about Kaidan." He said, frowning, so much for getting over Horizon.

Thankfully before more bickering could take place, Liara showed up to save the day and Shepard was happy to see her, she even gave her condolences for Earth... But he couldn't think of Earth, Admiral Hackett spoke of a Prothean Artifact, and since Cerberus was after it, it was obviously important. After countless dying Cerberus agents, they ended up in a chase of a Cerberus doctor who was stealing the data for the Illusive Man... Thank God for James' confidence and ramming the Cerberus shuttle, effectively stopping their escape.

"We have to get the Data!" Liara said desperately as Kaidan helped her onto her feet.

Shepard nodded and called upon the Normandy to get ready for extraction, unknowing to him that the doctor was actually a synthetic Cerberus agent. Kaidan did his best to keep Liara safe but to no avail.

"Orders?"

"... Dispose of him."

Just as Shepard rounded the corner, he saw the android smashing Kaidan into the side of the destroyed shuttle.

"Kaidan!" He screamed and drew his gun, beginning to fire at the mech who turned to Shepard and sprinted towards him, thankfully, after emptying his clip into her, the synthetic fell, but relief was replaced with dread as he saw Kaidan.

Panic filled Shepard to the core, he ran to Kaidan's side and looked to his still, seemingly lifeless body.

"Kaidan! Fuck, Kaidan answer me!" He called and drew quick breaths before getting a message from Joker.

"Commander we're getting Reaper signatures all over the atmosphere! We have to go now!"

Shepard glimpsed to Vega and nodded before picking up Kaidan.

"Grab that thing!" He snapped and jogged Kaidan onto the ship, hanging on as Joker warped off Mars.

He laid Kaidan down, looking down, complete devastation coming over Shepard, and luckily Liara was there, seeing Shepard at a loss she pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Kaidan needs medical attention." She said, watching as Shepard looked up and nodded. "We can get help at the Citadel."

"... Joker! Citadel!" He shouted.

"On it, Commander."

"I'll do the best I can, but he needs a medical professional." She said and the longest ride of Shepard's life commenced.

* * *

Fuck the Council, they were still pissed off at him for letting the original council die, despite saving the galaxy from Sovereign... They could wait... He had to see Kaidan...

Shepard _hated_ hospitals... They always gave him the fucking creeps, even now, he felt a shiver travel up his spine as he stepped foot off the elevator.

"Shepard?" Finally, a friendly voice.

"Thane." Shepard said with surprise but he smile and quickly took Thane's extended hand.

"I heard Earth was under attack, I wasn't sure you made it out... I sent a few messages but I doubt they got past Alliance security." He said.

"Its good to see you Thane. How are you holding up?" Shepard asked.

"Kepral's Syndrome isn't kind, but I'm retired, Kolyat visits often... He lives here on the Citadel, has an apartment of his own." Thane explained.

"That's great... I'm glad he got his act together." Shepard said, sitting down with Thane.

"As am I, but without you, I wouldn't have been able to steer him in the right direction, Shepard." Thane said with a kind hearted smile and Shepard shook his head.

"I won't take credit Thane..." He chuckled.

"Which reminds me, why are you here at the hospital's Shepard?" He asked.

"... My friend, Kaidan... Got hurt protecting me." Shepard sighed, looking away.

"The human biotic in intensive care... Yes, he and I conversed he seems like an honorable sort... Your enemies may try to finish him off here, I will protect him."

"I appreciate that Thane... I'm going to go see him." Shepard said and stood.

"Shepard." Thane called softly, and Shepard would swivel his head in the Drells direction. "Be careful." He concluded and Shepard would smile, nodding his head and venturing to intensive care to see Kaidan.

Upon arriving at Kaidan's room he quickly approached a doctor.

"How is he?"

"He has trauma to his skull and his implant is reacting unstably, but only time can tell if he'll pull out of this." The doctor explained.

That wasn't what Shepard wanted to hear... He swallowed and stepped towards Kaidan's bed, resting his hand on the bed, examining Kaidan's battered and frail appearance.

"... I dunno if you can hear me Kaidan... But since you can't tell me to get the hell out I'm going to take my chances..." He muttered as the doctor stepped out to give him some privacy. "... I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye but... Fuck Kaidan I can't go through this a second time..." He said and quickly wiped his eyes before anything could even think about falling. "... Seeing you again... Reminded me about how much I fucking care about you, so don't die alright? You need to pull through... We need you-... I need you..." He said and quickly backed out of the room.

"And that's an order." He added quietly before beginning to venture down the hallway, reproaching the doctor. "If you need anything let me know doc." He said seriously before making his way out of the hospital as quickly as possible, he couldn't bare to be there any longer.

* * *

While Shepard was already on edge, returning to the Normandy and realizing that both EDI was offline and there was a fire on deck three, Shepard just wanted to kill over. However, upon seeing EDI in a rather appealing new physical form... Shepard was happy to let her roam, she was a boost to moral after all. Yet he didn't intend on EDI to actually access his feelings, it wasn't long before she walked into the empty com room where Shepard was hiding away.

"You are distressed, Shepard." She announced, forcing Shepard to turn and face her.

"I must really be moping if the ships AI can see it." He scoffed, however Shepard quickly regretted his rather insensitive words. "Sorry. I have a lot on my mind." He sighed.

"As you say, no offense taken, but I think you fail to remember that my software surpasses most psychological organic screeners... Does it have to do with the human biotic injured on Mars?" She questioned while Shepard tried to suppress the tint of pink illuminating his visage.

"Well if I lie you'll know so there's no reason to... Yeah it does." He muttered.

"I concluded that you two were involved." She stated and Shepard furrowed his brows.

"How so?"

"Before ascending through the Omega 4 Relay, he sent you a rather emotional message involving a night that meant a lot to him, I could only deduce that you spent the night with one anther before going to stop Saren." She explained and Shepard tensed.

"You heard that?" He asked.

"Unintentionally but yes... I wanted to respect your privacy but curiosity got the better of me, I apologize." She said, gently clasping her hands in front of her.

"It's alright as long as you don't spread it around." He snorted and leaned against the wall.

"I also noted that you were married once weren't you?" She questioned and Shepard would tense.

"... Let's... Not talk about that EDI." He murmured and almost shriveled away from the questioned.

"I sense that is a poor subject I apologize." She stated and Shepard would shrug.

"It was long ago." He said but would get an urgent message from the council, urging them to take further action against the Reapers. "Thanks for the talk EDI but duty calls." The Commander would say, wanting to get off this subject immediately.

"Shepard, may I suggest something?" She asked before Shepard could escape, and while Shepard wanted to say know, he knew she was just trying to help, it was hard to remember she was an AI sometimes, even while she was just the ship.

"... Sure, EDI." He replied tiredly.

"Seek solace in your friends... They support you, it's not a crime to lean on someone else to regain your balance." She said and Shepard smiled.

"Thanks... But that person is in the hospital... But I'll think on it EDI." He mused before wandering out of the com room, he needed to kill some shit.

* * *

First things first was disarming a bomb on Tuchunka, and then releasing the cure for the Genophage... While Mordin sacrificed himself, the entire Krogan race was saved from pure extinction and while Urdnot Wrex, an old friend of Shepard, rejoiced... Shepard was reserved as he watched the cure disperse. How many more people would have to fucking die?

"That Salarian wasn't bad..." Wrex said, sensing Shepard's grief as the Shroud crumbled... Shepard would look away.

"... He wasn't." Shepard sighed and radioed Joker to the extraction point.

While Shepard mourned for his friend, he received some good news for once... Kaidan was up and talking. Something to finally look forward to and Shepard didn't waste time in going to see him.

"Shepard." Kaidan greeted as the Commander walked into the room, obviously happy to see him. "You just missed snack time, but-... Well, that's probably a good thing." He said and chuckled nervously.

"How are you doing Kaidan?" Shepard asked, pulling up a chair besides the Major.

"Well my implant got a little... Rattled, but I should be good to go soon." Kaidan said and shrugged his shoulders.

"Rattled?"

"Well, that's what I got from all the medical gibberish, rattled." Kaidan snorted.

"... I'm glad to see your eyes open Kaidan." Shepard said softly, looking Kaidan up and down.

"... I'm glad you're here." Kaidan replied and Shepard sighed with some much needed relief.

"After the shit I've been through... I needed to see you." Shepard said weakly and the tone alarmed Kaidan, Shepard never admitted to emotional exhaustion of any kind.

"Shepard, what's going on?"

"... Just... Stressed out I suppose... Lost another crew member... Another friend." Shepard said and ran a hand over his face.

"Friend?" Kaidan asked in an amused fashion and Shepard rolled his eyes trying to keep the smile from surfacing.

"Yeah a friend... Why are you jealous?" The Commander snickered.

"... Maybe... I wanted to see you smile." Kaidan said and Shepard was actually speechless for a moment.

"Kaidan I-"

"Let me say this first." Kaidan interrupted. "... I'm... Sorry that I've been giving you the cold shoulder you didn't deserve that... You told me that you weren't with Cerberus and... I should have just went with that without question... It won't happen again, are we... Are we good?" He asked.

"... Yeah, Kaidan, we're good." Shepard said with a small smile, hesitantly reaching forward to take Kaidan's hand, who took it in reply. "... Thanks... I didn't know what I would do if we weren't." Shepard said with a sigh of relief.

* * *

 **That's the end of Part One! Hope everyone likes it I worked my ass off on it. I was going to do it all at once but it's already gone on so long so I'll end it here and start the next part soon.**

 **-Eros**


End file.
